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2. Revisiting Language Use & Writing Professional Emails - Task 4.3



Content

  • The person did explained about his educational background and stated interest in engineering through explaining his love for tinkering.

  • The person did explained about his strength and weakness. He did illustrate examples. However, he did not properly state exactly what was the strength.

  • The person did mention about his 2 goals. It is through the sentences "My goals in this module are to refine my public speaking skills and to further develop the image others have of me as a bold communicator".

  • The person did state what differentiates him from the others. It is through "My friends know me to be the most sociable person in their circle.". However, it was not clearly mentioned it is the case. The person could have elaborated further on it. There is not much of the person's personal brand statement.

Language use

  • 2nd paragraph line 1: The word "poly" should be spelt fully as "polytechnic" as it is a formal letter. 

  • 3rd paragraph lines 2 and 3: The sentence "I tend to feel uneasy speaking before no just large crowds but also classroom groups, so much so that I begin to shiver at times" does not sound right. The person could have just simplified the sentences rather than connecting long sentences which created certain errors like "before no".

  • The word "Prof" at the start should be spelt fully as "Professor" as it is a formal letter.

  • The person should have spelt his full name at the end of the letter as it is a formal letter.




Organization

  • The person should have talked about strength first and then the weakness.

  • The subject header is informal and long.

  • The person could have added that he inputted a picture at the bottom of the email to give the email a better flow of organization and to not make it random of him to just input a picture at the bottom of the email.


















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